It was 2:30 in the morning at the Wine Library Lounge and the last guests have bid their farewells.   Sam sat down on a small corner table to fill out the sales report.  With him was a half-empty bottle of 1979 Chateau Fonplegade, a lovely Grand Cru Classe from St. Emilion.  This one was from a collector’s series featuring Van Gogh’s “Route aux Cypress” on the label.   Earlier in one of the private rooms of the Wine Library Lounge a party of three had polished off three delicious Burgundy 1er Crus from vintages in the 70s.  Prudently, they decided to quit after finishing half of the fourth and last for the night.  The host was a compellingly elegant woman in a slender red business suit.  In a stylish gesture of generosity, she said to Sam. “Please remove the bottle at once before I force my guests to help me finish it.” 

Life as a sommelier is full of perks when the guests you serve have the style and the finesse.  Sam gets a kick out of serving guests who know how enjoy the game.   They get to enjoy the evening so much more than the others.

The Ch. Fonplegade was exactly the kind of company Sam needed after a hard-working evening.  Wine guys – sommeliers to students of the old school – are frequently regarded as necessary evils.  It is unfortunate but often true that a sommelier is perceived by customers as an obstacle to overcome because they can get what they want.  

1. C’mon, tell me one, please?”  She asked with the desperate charm of a whinchat.

Sam’s good side completely dominated the man tonight.  “There was this gentleman the other evening.  He came in very late with a lovely lady as his date.  He opened doors for her, removed her coat and pulled her chair – the works.  It’s the game – one of those things that make it fun to be a woman. He did it so well and she was soaking it up.  You can see it in her eyes trying to hide her adoration of the man.  Then I presented him with the wine menu.”  Sam paused for a sip.

“What?” She exploded grabbing his hands with a fierce squeeze.  Sam went on to explain.

There aren’t any logical explanations to why some customers feel intimidated about wine.  Dining out is a game.  Wine makes it more fun to play the game.  As a paying customer, you want to get the most out of your money.  That should include the full treatment which we don’t get if we don’t learn how to play the game.

• Selecting the playground
• Ordering the wine
• Inspecting a bottle
• Giving serving instructions
• Tasting and approving the wine
• Drinking and conversing
• Corkage, tipping and BYO etiquettes

Let’s look into these components one at a time.

The Ch. Fonplegade was exactly the kind of company Sam needed after a hard-working evening.  Wine guys – sommeliers to students of the old school – are frequently regarded as necessary evils.  It is unfortunate but often true that a sommelier is perceived by customers as an obstacle to overcome because they can get what they want.  

An eager young waitress sat down timidly in front of Sam.  Ordinarily she and her little dimple on her left cheek would have been woofed away.  Tonight, she even got a small glass of the wine.   She took that as a cue for permission to speak. 

“Sam, you’ve been a wine guy for a number of years.  I’m sure you have some stories cellared in that wisdom chest inside your head.   C’mon, tell me one, please?”  She asked with the desperate charm of a whinchat.

Sam’s good side completely dominated the man tonight.  “There was this gentleman the other evening.  He came in very late with a lovely lady as his date.  He opened doors for her, removed her coat and pulled her chair – the works.  It’s the game – one of those things that make it fun to be a woman. He did it so well and she was soaking it up.  You can see it in her eyes trying to hide her adoration of the man.  Then I presented him with the wine menu.”  Sam paused for a sip.

“Our suave Cary Grant froze into a bronze statue.  He just sat there forever staring at the menu without so much as a word or a hint that he was still breathing.    Now what could cause someone like that to stop dead on his tracks?”  Sam paused and looked into those big young shinny eyes. 

“What?” She exploded grabbing his hands with a fierce squeeze.  Sam went on to explain.

There aren’t any logical explanations to why some customers feel intimidated about wine.  Dining out is a game.  Wine makes it more fun to play the game.  As a paying customer, you want to get the most out of your money.  That should include the full treatment which we don’t get if we don’t learn how to play the game.

Learning the game is a lot simpler than most beginners might think.  But let’s get one hang-up out of the way right now.  You don’t need to learn French.   Whew!   And this game is definitely easier than singing or dancing. Every component of a little game is an opportunity for the player to have fun.  Once you know the game, they won’t be obstacles anymore.

• Selecting the playground
• Ordering the wine
• Inspecting a bottle
• Giving serving instructions
• Tasting and approving the wine
• Drinking and conversing
• Corkage, tipping and BYO etiquettes

Let’s look into these components one at a time.

Selecting the playground

1. Divers and skiers are just as zealous when it comes to choosing a venue to satisfy their thirst for thrills and discoveries.

Wine enthusiasts shouldn’t settle for anything less either.  The fun and thrill of dining out is to experience something that we don’t get at home.  If the wines served in a restaurant are stuff that you find in the neighborhood wine store, you have probably picked the wrong restaurant.  Good food can take you half way there at best.

A good restaurant always offers wines that are not readily available on retail.  They do so by investing in and maintaining a cellar to collect and age many bottles of the wine.

Reading the restaurant’s wine menu may not be as engaging as reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but it shouldn’t feel like re-reading The Goblet of Fire (book 4 for those who is one generation behind) for the 18th time.   A great restaurant is obliged to offer a wine selection so wide and deep that it will keep you intrigued for endless return visits. 

Word of Advice

Make an extra effort when choosing a dining venue.  Not all are tuned in to the wine culture.  Call up ahead to ask.  If you stumble into a wrong one, don’t be shy to walk out.  There are better places for you to spend your money.   

Ordering your wine

Reading, for many of us is a pleasure best savored in privacy.  Reading a wine menu is a pleasure to wine lovers.  Poorly trained wine staff tends to crowd the scene with unwanted attention and worse, importunate suggestions.

Feel free to firmly fend off the “Would you like red or white?” and the “We have wine by the glass also.”  A simple “Please check back in 10 minutes” would do nicely.  Occasionally, that doesn’t work.  Then it calls for a “Please bring me some water chilled to 15 degrees.  Then add a twist of lime without the peel.”  This will buy you 10 minutes of private reading pleasure, I hope. 

Many restaurants are pressured by wine merchants to sell their wine.  That’s why we often get these lines from even the bus boys: “We highly recommend this great Cabernet Sauvignon from Chile” or “This Napa Valley Zinfandel is the most popular wine in town today.”

It is perfectly acceptable to ask questions about any wine on the menu, as long as your line of questioning leads to the deliverance of a verdict in the foreseeable future.

Advice to the prudent

Spend 5 minutes to browse the wine menu and get a general feel for what kinds of wines the venue has to offer.  Then turn to the food menu and decide what you will eat.  After that, let the sommelier return to discuss wine and food pairing before ordering your wine.

Inspecting a Bottle

The process of inspecting a bottle of wine serves an indispensable purpose – to allow the customer one last chance to change his mind before the restaurant puts the wine on the bill.

The procedure is simple and quite standard. 

Wine waiter:     presents you with a bottle of the wine that you ordered, showing you the label with a few words, not of praises, but of the pertinent details of the wine.  The words are to assert that the wine is indeed the one that you ordered. 

Guest:  examines the details of the wine mainly for purpose of authentication.  Things to look for are (1) name of the wine, (2) name of the producer/shipper in the case of wines from Burgundy and Rhone for example, and (3) vintage year.   You only have to nod your head to signify your approval, not of the wine but of the bottle only.

Wine waiter:     thanks you for your acceptance and asks you for permission to uncork the wine.

There.  No pain at all.  More to follow so please read on.

Advice to the novice

Giving Serving Instructions

This paragraph is optional.  Those readers taking the beginners’ course are welcome to jump to the next section.

Are you still here?  Welcome. 

Selecting a wine is just half of the ordering process.  Most people give up their basic rights of ordering the way they prefer their wine to be prepared and served.  Leaving it up to the sommelier is acceptable if you know them well.  Otherwise, go the extra yard and give specific instructions.

Here are the fundamental parameters to wine preparation and services on which you can base your instructions.

• Temperature at which you want the wine to be served
• Do you wish the wine to be kept in an ice bucket or a wine cooler?
• Decant, double decant or serve straight from the bottle
• Types of wine glasses you prefer
• Sequence of services when you order more than one bottle
• Help yourself or let the waiter do the pouring
• How much wine (e.g. less than half full) to pour into your glass

Any decent restaurant will be wiling and able to accommodate requests within those parameters.  If you are unlucky meet with stiff resistance on this front, it will only be poetic justice for you to walk out or at least, reject the wine.  Why should you pay for inadequate facilities and a complacent service attitude?

Advice to the discerning wine lover

Do not assume that your instructions are followed.  More often than not they are not.  Don’t be shy to complain or even threaten to reject the wine if your instructions are not followed.

Selecting the playground

Golfers travel around the world just to play courses that catch their fancy.   Divers and skiers are just as zealous when it comes to choosing a venue to satisfy their thirst for thrills and discoveries.

Wine enthusiasts shouldn’t settle for anything less either.  The fun and thrill of dining out is to experience something that we don’t get at home.  If the wines served in a restaurant are stuff that you find in the neighborhood wine store, you have probably picked the wrong restaurant.  Good food can take you half way there at best.

A good restaurant always offers wines that are not readily available on retail.  They do so by investing in and maintaining a cellar to collect and age many bottles of the wine.

Reading the restaurant’s wine menu may not be as engaging as reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but it shouldn’t feel like re-reading The Goblet of Fire (book 4 for those who is one generation behind) for the 18th time.   A great restaurant is obliged to offer a wine selection so wide and deep that it will keep you intrigued for endless return visits. 

Word of Advice

Make an extra effort when choosing a dining venue.  Not all are tuned in to the wine culture.  Call up ahead to ask.  If you stumble into a wrong one, don’t be shy to walk out.  There are better places for you to spend your money.   

Ordering your wine

Reading, for many of us is a pleasure best savored in privacy.  Reading a wine menu is a pleasure to wine lovers.  Poorly trained wine staff tends to crowd the scene with unwanted attention and worse, importunate suggestions.

Feel free to firmly fend off the “Would you like red or white?” and the “We have wine by the glass also.”  A simple “Please check back in 10 minutes” would do nicely.  Occasionally, that doesn’t work.  Then it calls for a “Please bring me some water chilled to 15 degrees.  Then add a twist of lime without the peel.”  This will buy you 10 minutes of private reading pleasure, I hope. 

Many restaurants are pressured by wine merchants to sell their wine.  That’s why we often get these lines from even the bus boys: “We highly recommend this great Cabernet Sauvignon from Chile” or “This Napa Valley Zinfandel is the most popular wine in town today.” 

It is perfectly acceptable to ask questions about any wine on the menu, as long as your line of questioning leads to the deliverance of a verdict in the foreseeable future.

Advice to the prudent

Spend 5 minutes to browse the wine menu and get a general feel for what kinds of wines the venue has to offer.  Then turn to the food menu and decide what you will eat.  After that, let the sommelier return to discuss wine and food pairing before ordering your wine.

Inspecting a Bottle

The process of inspecting a bottle of wine serves an indispensable purpose – to allow the customer one last chance to change his mind before the restaurant puts the wine on the bill.

The procedure is simple and quite standard. 

Wine waiter:     presents you with a bottle of the wine that you ordered, showing you the label with a few words, not of praises, but of the pertinent details of the wine.  The words are to assert that the wine is indeed the one that you ordered. 

Guest:  examines the details of the wine mainly for purpose of authentication.  Things to look for are (1) name of the wine, (2) name of the producer/shipper in the case of wines from Burgundy and Rhone for example, and (3) vintage year.   You only have to nod your head to signify your approval, not of the wine but of the bottle only.

Wine waiter:     thanks you for your acceptance and asks you for permission to uncork the wine.

There.  No pain at all.  More to follow so please read on.

Advice to the novice

More frequently than we might think, waiters fail to bring you exactly the wine you ordered.  Ask for the wine list when the bottle is presented.  Compare what you see on the label to the data on the wine list to make sure what you see is indeed what you have ordered.  

Giving Serving Instructions

This paragraph is optional.  Those readers taking the beginners’ course are welcome to jump to the next section.

Are you still here?  Welcome. 

Selecting a wine is just half of the ordering process.  Most people give up their basic rights of ordering the way they prefer their wine to be prepared and served.  Leaving it up to the sommelier is acceptable if you know them well.  Otherwise, go the extra yard and give specific instructions.

Here are the fundamental parameters to wine preparation and services on which you can base your instructions.

• Temperature at which you want the wine to be served
• Do you wish the wine to be kept in an ice bucket or a wine cooler?
• Decant, double decant or serve straight from the bottle
• Types of wine glasses you prefer
• Sequence of services when you order more than one bottle
• Help yourself or let the waiter do the pouring
• How much wine (e.g. less than half full) to pour into your glass

Any decent restaurant will be wiling and able to accommodate requests within those parameters.  If you are unlucky meet with stiff resistance on this front, it will only be poetic justice for you to walk out or at least, reject the wine.  Why should you pay for inadequate facilities and a complacent service attitude?

Advice to the discerning wine lover

Do not assume that your instructions are followed.  More often than not they are not.  Don’t be shy to complain or even threaten to reject the wine if your instructions are not followed.

Tasting and approving the wine

Armed with your permission, the sommelier will proceed to uncork your bottle of wine.  This should be performed in your presence as a rule.  It shows that the bottle you approved is the same one that is being opened.

You are then given the right to taste and then decide to approve or reject the wine.   Here is the protocol.

Wine waiter:     asks for permission to uncork the wine.  He opens the bottle (see Giving Serving Instructions) and sets the cork down in front of you.

Guest:  Examine the cork or simply wave the waiter to pour the wine.  Some corks have a stamp of the wine’s name on it.  This will make it easier to authenticate the wine.   Most of us just skip this step but there are those who like to pick up the cork and smell it.   Don’t.

Wine waiter:     pours a little bit – about 1/10 of your glass – for your tasting. 

Guest:  examine the color, twirls the glass a bit and drinks the wine.  Now come crunch time.  You make the all important decision – to accept or to reject.   Let’s say you accept.  A nod would do. 

Wine waiter:     thanks you and asks you if he may be allowed to serve now or let the wine breathe for a while first.

Guest:  if you want it to be served, indicate to whom the wine should be served first, usually the guest of honor – your date, not the hunk seated at the adjacent table!

Wine will then be served as per your serving instructions.  In the absence of specific instructions, house rules prevail.  That’s pot luck.  It’s not too late to double back to the previous section on Giving Service Instructions now.

Under what circumstances can a guest reject a bottle of wine?

Bottom-line is you can say “take it away” if the wine is bad.  This means one of the following conditions applies:

.           Wine is in poor health – disgusting odor, color completely faded

.           Wine tastes like vinegar – wine is oxidized

.           Wine is a fake – not the kind you ordered.

You cannot reject a wine just because you don’t like it.

Drinking and Conversing

Drinking is a rather personal thing.  Some like to drink in large gulps between long intervals.  Others like to take tiny sips incessantly.  I know many who get the best of both worlds – large gulps in hardly detectable intervals.

Myths surrounding drinking are plenty and free.  Bash them.  Smoking is one of those.  Unless you are paid in high six figures for tasting wines as a profession, you puff away while consuming a simple New World merlot.  Food and wine pairing, on the other hand is serious business and should not be brushed off quite so quickly.  A wrong decision here can mean the difference between lust and disgust.

An integral part of wine appreciation is talking about the wine.  Sharing opinions and impressions about the stuff you drink is more than acceptable.  It is expected and notoriously fun.

Feel free to step into the shoes of a Robert Parker and plagiarize about body, concentration, extract, length and depth if you are in that mood.  Be more illusive if you like and whip up a soufflé of obscurities with words like character, distinction and finesse.  You can even stretch the imagination with phrases like “a gallantly pathetic effort”.  But would you go so far as one woman did?  “This wine attacks the palate like a gust of cold ocean breeze against a freshly shaven leg”.

It is perfectly acceptable and indeed a chic gesture to beckon the sommelier for an earful of your comments.  I have served wine in more than one occasion and I tell you that nothing gave me more pleasure than to listen to the comments of the guests.  The efforts made to articulate their ecstasies were most flattering.  Of course, I am a much better listener when offered a glass of the wine that caused all that excitement in the first place.

I remember one time when I was confronted by an attractive lady with a direct question.  “Denny, what are the qualities of a good wine?”  I could have answered that in two dozen ways involving a balanced mixture of bad poetry and overused jargons.  Instead, what came out of my mouth was a mere “Big and long”.  So much for poetry but that answer was exactly what was pictured in my mind.

Advice to the timid

Don’t hold back.  This is the time for the poet in you to surface.  Nothing you say can possibly be wrong, as long as you don’t break the golden rule – don’t short change yourself with anything not original.  You are the only connoisseur that matters.

Corkage, Tipping and BYO etiquettes

We’ve all been held hostage by a custom called “corkage” which of course means that restaurant has the right to charge you a fee for bringing in your own drinks (can also apply to food).  Is it fair?  Certainly, but only as long as it is a consistent policy and the restaurant has a wine collection robust enough to satisfy our appetites for discoveries.   Otherwise, they should quietly put up with bottles marching through their doors.

But let’s look at it from another angle.  If we dine out, why burden ourselves with unnecessary chores like bringing a bottle of wine?   Isn’t it more rewarding to hold the hand of your date rather than the neck of a cold hard bottle of Vega Sicilia?

BYO (Bring Your Own) etiquettes start and end with one basic rule.   If you have to bring wine into a restaurant, the bottle should be in one or two classes above those that the restaurant has to offer.  Don’t even think about bringing something that is readily available in retail shops.  Putting it in another way, your BYO wine should be something that would cause the sommelier to misbehave all evening long hoping to get a sip of your wine.

Tipping is a matter of style and character.  It transcends the basic obligation of rewarding the serving staff.  It touches on the realm of a self-expression of satisfaction, a sigh of relief that the best has just transpired. 

When in doubt tip profusely.  When you do that, don’t forget to let the establishment hear all your constructive complaints.   Nothing beats two-way communications even in a one-night relationship like this.

Advice to the frequent diners

Dining out is a just another form of shopping.  First rule of shopping – when in doubt, ask, ask and ask again.  One thing you shouldn’t do is to take a chance on anything that might ruin your evening.  The average person has less than 50 memorable evenings in a year.  Sadly more than half of them will turn out to be false alarms.  A few great evenings will make it into your hall of fame.  This might be one of them. 

So there you have it.

Wine appreciation is much, much more than satisfying our cravings for good fermented grape juice.   The interactions with the wait staff, the painful struggle to decide what to order for the night, the stories of mistakes and the occasional rare finds to share with wine friends are all part of the wine lifestyle. 

We make an effort to learn the game not because we play to win.  There are no scores in this game and there are no winners or losers.  But beware.  Don’t get to be too good at it.  You might just wake up one day and find yourself with a new hobby for life.

Sam finishes his 79 Ch. Fonplegade.  Big eyed waitress with a tiny dimple gets the empty bottle with a Van Gogh label to decorate her apartment.  Another day in the life of a sommelier fades away.  In the background, the song echoes “There before the grace of you, go I.”

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